Always Falling
by ReleaseThroughWriting
Summary: It's been two years. Two years since she came to our school and I still can't get to her. Black coffee, fake black eye, deadly flowers, And she helps me. Helps me? And wants a hug. Did I miss something? Have I been unjust? No, that first day. That first day with Beck set it off. No one can put me through that kind of humiliation and not pay. She hasn't payed. She won.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: HEY omg okay so I know it's been forever since I've been on here and I AM SO SORRY! I'm still trying to figure out Truth because even tho I have a couple of chapters that I haven't published yet, I'm stuck. SOOOOO here I am with Jori! Making it to my top 5 otp list, I thought I would write it! It's kind of inspired by The Unforgiven written by Djuro (it's absolutely AMAZING so go read it right now!). Enjoy! *mwah***

**P.S. This is taken place around season 3 after Beck and Jade broke up. Okay? Okay.**

Always Falling

It's been two years.

Two years since she came to our school and I still can't get to her.

Black coffee, fake black eye, deadly flowers,

And she _helps_ me.

Helps me?

And wants a hug.

Did I miss something?

Have I been unjust?

No, that first day. That first day with Beck set it off. No one can put me through that kind of

humiliation and not pay.

She hasn't payed.

She won.

The day starts as normal. My drive to school was about as ordinary as it gets. Me, alone, in my car. Lately it's been getting... worse. The feeling of being alone no longer satisfies me. Being alone means thinking and I can't afford to do that anymore because of what happened last time. Thank God I called Cat. Thinking equals over thinking which eventually leads to my dad. I had never had a proper relationship with my father and after he spat on my dreams I didn't want one. But the suppressed memories will always be there. The longing for a "daddy" who cared and loved me no matter what will always stay with me, and thinking pulls it out into the open. And then I panic.

Cat was the only one who understood.

Childhood best friends.

Growing up she always knew my story. Originally, I tried to hide it from her. I was embarrassed of my family, my life, but I should have known that Cat wouldn't care about that part. She cared about me. Always wished the best for me. She never wanted to see me hurting, which is why my wrists had always bothered her. Every time she saw the scars her face would tense up and she would turn into a little, not-so-tough version of me, her wall quickly coming up. I never meant to hurt her. It was never my intention, but now I can't go one day without hurting someone.

The only person I can't hurt is Tori.

My thoughts vanish as I hear an unfamiliar voice. "Miss? Please take your coffee and move out of the way. You're blocking the line.

Great. I snatch the coffee from the counter, spilling a little on the floor. Not the best way to start the day. I push my way out of the crowded Jet Brew and head to my car.

As I drove into the parking lot, I noticed something unusual. No one from our group was at our table. We normally meet there every more before the bell. But then I remembered

I've lost them all.

It had been rough. Beck and I had always fought and eventually our friends wouldn't even invite us to poker games. No. Correction; they wouldn't invite _me_, and Beck had to pay the price. It was never fair for him. And I was the one who caused it.

As I made my way to Sikowitz' class, I took a look around the empty hallway. Usually, students filled the halls with their singing, dancing, and creativity. But the emptiness gave it a bit of an eerie tone to it. It felt... empty. I stopped by my scissor-decorated locker and started pulling my books out. My long sleeve began to make it's way up my arm, something I never want, so as I try to pull down my sleeve, I dropped my black math book. I reach down to grab it and feel someone else's hand on it. Looking up, I come face to face with Tori.

"Vega," is the only thing I say. I roughly take my book from her hand, startling her.

"Um, hi, Jade," she manages. Knowing I can make her stutter like that gives me a small feeling of satisfaction. "Shouldn't you be in class?"

I rolled my eyes. "I was running late, Vega. It's not that hard to figure out." God, WHY do I do that? Why do I put up a wall right when there's someone else around?

Her cheeks blushed red, showing her embarrassment. "I just... never mind. Sikowitz said-" she paused, something catching her eye. "Jade...?" I quickly follow her gaze which landed right-

Shit.

"No I-"

"Jade...' she said, slowly reaching towards me. "Give me your wrist."

**A/N: THERE! It's not my best work, so I'm sorry, but it's only capter one, right? I know it kind goes all over the place, but it has a point, I PROMISE! :) Soooo yeah! Dunno when I'm gonna update, so just keep an eye open.**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Wow, this came sooner than I thought. TO THOSE READING PLEASE KEEP UPDATED ON THIS STORY IT WILL GET BETTER! :d God, I'm such a girly girl... ANYWAYS, I want to dedicate this story to Djuro for their ABSOLUTELY AMAZING Jori fic 'The Unforgiven.' SO THIS IS FOR YOU, WHOEVER YOU ARE!**

"Um, uh, no."

I couldn't help but stutter, nervous and mortified that my number one least favorite person saw the scars faster than my ex-boyfriend did.

"Jade, let me take a look."

My reaction slowly transitioned from scared to angry. "No, why?" I almost yelled, remembering that the halls where empty and sound carries in an arts school.

"Please, Jade," Tori said calmly, not shaken whatsoever. Her eyes flashed quickly to mine. It was the same look Beck gave me when he found out. Care, compassion, worry, _fear. _I then realize what I was feeling. I was feeling fear. _I was scared._ And she was scared for me.

Like she could hear my thoughts, she quietly said, "Jade, I'm not going to hurt you. Please."

She was pleading. Why was she pleading? She had nothing to plead about. But my body somehow seperated itself from my mind because I lift my arm and pulled my sleeve back to reveal my darkest secrets.

A small gasp escaped her lips, which I could tell her instantly regretted. She ran her fingers slowly over the scabs and said two simple words: "How long?"

Before I could answer, Cat rushed around the corner, her face almost as red as her hair. "Guys, Sikowitz sent me! Where have you been? We're rehearsing the scene with the duck and the goat and we need you guys there!" she managed to squeek out in about two seconds. Watching Cat grow up is one of the only thing keeping me here. I can't hurt her like that. I would perminantly scar her.

I drew a breath in to speak, but Tori beat me to it. "Cat, we were just running late. It's okay. Tell Sikowitz to skip the scene for now and that we'll be there soon. Okay?" She let go of my arm. Cat, oblivious to the scene right in front of her, nodded and ran back to class.

I tug at my sleeve and take a deep breath. I couldn't share more than I already have with Vega. I was barely able to tell Beck let alone tell _her. _And I've started comparing Tori and Beck, which is not okay. It's not right. "Look, Vega. I know my arm is a good little drama story to get yourself into, but I'm not interested. So go find someone else's story to cling to. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have class, and so do you." It came out harsher than I meant it to, but it was the only thing that could shut her up, because as I walked away, I peeked over my shoulder to see her staring at me dumbfounded. 'Good,' I thought. 'She won't bring it up later.'

"Acting is like a coconut."

Sikowitz' stupid speach again. Sometimes I just wish that he would be a normal teacher, so I wouldn't have to sit through this bullshit that teaches me absolutely nothing about acting.

All eyes were on me as I entered the class room, even Vega's. But each eye had a different theory or thought about me. Robbie's showed that he was afraid of me, like always. Whenever I saw him, I felt terrible for what I've done to him, and he never lets me forget it. Even when I stopped, he will always have that look of fear in his eyes.

Beck's showed disappointment. Ever since that day at the poker game, ever since I labelled everyone in the room, _not my friend, tolerable, no one likes you, pet, _he knew that I was forever changed. When we met, I had been afraid of life, afraid of getting hurt, so I builT up a mean wall that shut everyone out. He was the only one I would let into my barrier, but I began to slowly place him in the same section of the rest of the world; shut out. It hurt him. It hurt him badly. It caused the fighting and, eventually, the break up, and it's torn him apart ever since.

Cat's eyes just smiled all the time, no matter what the situation was. I was late? No problem. She doesn't spin rumors or thoughts in her head about me because she knows me more than anyone else does, so she doesn't need to guess. Her eyes said "Come sit with me!" The only time she didn't express her usual Kitty happiness is on those late night sleepovers when she finds me on the bathroom floor, sobbing with a razor in my hand. And that happened more often than I wanted.

And Tori. Tori's said...

I couldn't read her eyes. Sadness? disappointment? Fear? Lo-

"JADE! Please take your seat!"

Sikowitz.

Damnit. My thoughts are beginning to take over my mind.

Today was going to be a long day.

**A/N: Not very long, but a little back sss-Tori kind of (DOES ANYONE SEE WHAT I DID THERE?). Hope you enjoyed chapter two and I will be back soon with another chappy!**

**Disclaimer: I DON'T OWN VICTORIOUS**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Thanks for the great feedback, guys! I'm actually having a good time writing this story, digging deep into the messed up mind of Jade West! And being able to take some personal emotions and use those as well! **

**So here it is! Chapter three!**

The bell chimed for lunch. I pulled myself out of the desk, taking another involuntary look at Tori. I had been doing that all day, my subconcious waiting, _waiting _for her to judge me. I knew I deserved it, and she sure has a right to do it, with all the horrible things I've done to her, she should be _dying _to spread my little secret and ruin me. I almost killed her, for God's sake! More than once! Why wasn't she being cruel? Why wasn't she doing what I've done to her?

I make my way to the asphalt cafe, seeing the group at the usual table. It took all of my emotional strength to not go over there and sit, and not to cry. I would have normally went and sat next to Beck, him probably planting a kiss on the side of my head like he did. But now Beck was sitting next to Tori, and they were _very close. _I tore my gaze away from the sickening scene and sat at an empty table at the far side of the outdoor cafeteria. placing my tray on the table, I check my phone. No new messages, no notifications. That was something I have been getting used to, but the pain hits me everytime I see that no one cares anymore.

I look down at my burrito and remember the last time I dared to have a burrito. I had just resently broken up with Beck over what I now see was stupid and juvenile. Sitting with Tori and Andre, I saw Beck ride in with Alyssa Vaughn, and smooshed my burrito, _hard._ Like everything else in my life, certain things have certain memories, and if they're bad ones, I can't even be around the items or people that trigger those terrible emotions. So, as silly as it seems, I haven't eaten a burrito in a year and a half.

I see a glimps of pink in the corner of my eyes and look up to see Cat sit right next to me. "Jadey..."

Then I new something was wrong.

I drop my burrito onto the tray and quickly turn to her. "Oh my God, Cat. What's wrong?"

She grabs my wrist and runs off, pulling me behind her. Unsure of what was happening, I went along with it. We quickly pushed through crowds of people to reach the janitor's closet, which she practically threw me into, and locked the door.

"Damnit, Cat!" I exclaimed, rubbing my newly free wrist. She had a tight grip for such a small girl.

She looked away from me, trying to hide her face, but I was able to see a small tear slide down her face. "Jade... I can't do this anymore. I just can't. I can't see you hurt like this anymore! I can't!" She was yelling now. "Can't you see how this is effecting me?! And that day... that day you called me a pet... I... I tried to play it off, tried _so hard_ so pretend it didn't hurt. but it did, Jade! It made everything you've done to me come crashing down!" Her sobs felt like knives in my stomache. I knew what I'd done to Cat.

I've broken my best friend.

I should have seen it coming. I don't know how I didn't. Just a few weeks ago, I almost got her mom fired from her job by forcing myself into a situation that I wasn't originally supposed to be in. All because I was single. I needed something to do. So what did I do? I tore apart best friends life until she eventually broke down.

"Cat... I am... so sorry. My God, I never, _ever, _meant to hurt you. I would never purposely hurt you. I hope you know that, Kitty. Please..." Cat's tears kept flowing, her sobs sounding more pained by the minute. Oh, God. I've never seen her in this much pain before, even when I inflicted pain on myself, or others as a way of lashing out. Although that hurt her as well, it didn't hurt her as much as it does when I do that to her. I didn't used to do that. It was always yelling and hurting my parents, or Beck, or Vega. Never Cat. But now here she is, showing me in the only way she can that she is in so much pain, pain that I have caused.

I go to reach for her shoulder, but she pulls away. Her sobs slowly began to turn to cries of anger. "Are you not hearing me?! You did this to me! I don't fucking care that you didn't _mean _to do it!' I was taken aback a bit, becuase Cat rarely ever swore, especially at other people. "It happened, and you did it!" She then pushed past me and exited the closet. As she left, my eyes followed her out, and caught a sight I wish I never saw. Right under the end of her short-shorts, on the inside-back of her thigh, there were two thin, red lines.

I couldn't breathe.

**Disclaimer: I DON'T OWN VICTORIOUS**

**A/N: OKAYOKAYOKAY HOW MANY OF YOU HAVE READ FROZEN FRACTALS?! BECAUSE I JUST FINISHED IT AND I AM OFFICIALLY DONE! IT. IS. TOO. PERFECT. **


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: I know the last chapter was a bit of a stretch, but it felt... right. So, sorry anyways. It's mostly because I am in the middle of rereading Frozen Fractals and the rush of drama and feels have been coursing through my veins sooooooo **

**SORRY FOR THE LATE UPDATE IT WAS SPRING BREAK YOU KNOW HOW IT IS**

**This chapter is WAY to close to what happened in The Unforgiven so I AM SO SORRY I just... well it's not exact, but it's too close for comfort. So I'm sorry! :/**

My name is Jade West, and I've caused my friend to cut. I have never felt this level or emotion before. Ever. Sweet little Cat Valentine has reached a point that no one wants to get to, or see someone they love hit that low. My best friend in the whole world now hates me. Rightfully so.

I rolled the words around in my head over and over, still in the janitor's closet. _She cuts. She cuts. Cat cuts. Because of me. Cat cuts because of what I've done. _It pain in my chest grew much each time I thought it. So did the nauseating feeling in my stomache.

"Cat Valentine cuts because of me."

Saying is out loud finally made the the dam that had been holding back tears for the past ten minutes break. I fell to my knees and cried more than I have in years. Over all the terrible things in my life, My mom dying, my father hating me, the verbal and physical abuse, this one hits the hardest. I've torn down the girl that I cared this most for, the girl that cared when no one else did, and always put others before herself.

I suddenly lost it. The one reason why I was still here was gone, so was I still here? My vision blurry because of the tears, I fumble through my backpack to find my good scissors. I couldn't do it anymore. I sliced my arm, purposely digging too deep, hoping it would do the trick. The blood poured onto the cold, cement floor, I try to search my mind for something, anything.

My mind chose Tori.

Or...

I wasn't imagining Tori standing there, a horrified look on her face. She was really there, staring down at my with pure shock and fear. The last thing I hear is a loud scream, not knowing whether it's coming from me or Tori.

Then black.

Nothing, anymore.

I hear beeping.

Beeping?

The f-

I slowly open my eyes, immediately being greeted by the harsh florescent lights. Once used to the invasion of light, I fully open my eyes to see a sight that's all too familiar.

I'm in the hospital.

Did she bring me here?

"Hello, Jade," said a voice to my right.

"Hi, Nancy."

Nancy is now my official nurse, I guess. She's been the nurse that took care of me for the last three times I've been in here.

"Jade, you are a very lucky girl. You understand that, right?"

I shrugged. I guess. "Yes, ma'am." Ma'am? My mean streak is doth lacking.

"Your friend saved you." Friend? "I don't have any friends." Wow, way to fish for pity, Jade. Way to be a loser.

Nancy smiled sadly at me. "Oh, Jade. You don't remember what happened yesterday?'

I thought I did. Now that I think about it, I barely remember a thing. I shake my head, and realise that that was a bad idea. My brain pounded against my skull, the pressure almost unbearable.

"There was a girl. Tori I believe her name was.."

"Tori?" I cut her off. It couldn't have been Tori. It CAN'T be Tori! No, no, no, no!

"Oh so you do know her! Good, I was worried she was a stranger student." She chuckled, then continued. "Well, this girl, Tori, brought you in. She was surprisingly calm, but I could see the fear in her eyes. She was scared and didn't know what to do, but she did the right thing." Nancy smiled. "Good thing she did. You would have lost too much blood."

And that makes you smile?

I couldn't help but be releaved at least a little bit. I was alive even though I didn't want to be, but I knew now that Tori cares for me. I don't see any reason why she should, but she does enough not to let me die, which makes me breathe a little easier.

But why?

We aren't friends. We were never friends. So why does her caring make me feel better?

_Maybe it's because you're just glad that someone cares for you._

Excuse me?

_You heard me. You're afraid that no one cares about you._

Who's talking?

_Your dead beat dad didn't care. Your mom cared, but she died in a car accident while your dad was driving. Guess he didn't care about her either._

Shut up!

I close my eyes, tight, hoping that the voice would go away.

Go. Away.

I open them to see a little girl standing in front of me. Well, not so little. Younger. And she looked an awful lot like...

_Hello, Jade. My name's Lucy. It's been a while, hasn't it?_

Me.

**Disclaimer: I DON'T OWN VICTORIOUS**

**No beta. Excuse the mistakes. :)**


	5. Chapter 5

**I'm kind of proud of how this is turning out...**

"Lucy...?" I say aloud, then slap my hands to my mouth. She's not real. She's not really there. I can't let anyone see that I'm losing my mind.

_Do you remember me?_

I try not to.

Why are you here?

_You clearly don't remember me all that well, because if you did you would know that I'm always here, Jade. Always._

You're not helping.

_We were together all the time. You were me, and I was you, and we were happy in our world. _

Our world?

_Yes, our world. Our own getaway, escape your dad's harsh words and rough hands. _

"Lucy..." I mutter, not caring anymore who heard. It was coming back to me.

I am Lucy.

As a kid I would escape my terrible life and hang out in my own secret place in my head. I would be that girl, that girl that everyone loved, the popular one, the bitchy one. I was that girl.

That girl was Lucy.

"Go away. I don't need you anymore."

_You don't get it, do you, Jade? I'm not me. I'm you. You've turned into me._

The bitchy one...

Oh my God.

Lucy smirked. _I've always been here, Jade._

"Jade?"

It was Nancy.

I turn my head towards the sound.

"Are you alright? Is that girl back?"

I direct my gaze back to where Lucy was standing to see that she's gone.

_But I'm not gone. I'm in your head._

SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP

"Um, Jade?"

Did I say that out loud?

Fuck.

I stumble over my words, trying to figure out a believable excuse for why I just screamed 'shut up' for what appears to be for no reason. "I... I- I-"

Nancy placed a hand on my shoulder and pushed my hair behind my ear. "Shh... Shh Jade, it's okay."

I then realised that my face was wet.

Was I crying?

"It will be alright. I promise. You just have to try."

I was crying.

Five minutes and the voices inside my head have torn me apart. Great.

_You're getting weaker._

I pulled away from Nancy and lied down my my cot. Why is this happening? I've never had something like this happen to me before. Never. I've never let my guard down even for a second. I couldn't afford to. My dad took advantage of my weak side, the kids school took advantage of my weak side, even my fucking boyfriend took advantage of it. So I got rid of it. Or at least I thought I did. But now it's here, front and center, and I'm blubbering like a baby.

_Who says that's a bad thing?_

But it is.

But it is!

IT IS!

I felt more tears run down my cheeks.

I didn't realise that Nancy had left. I didn't realise that I wasn't alone. I didn't see Tori.

"Hi."

I'm sorry.

"What do you want?"

_Nice one._

Tori was thrown a little bit, but kept her composure. "I just came to see how you were doing."

_Tell her how you feel._

What?

_Tell her how you feel._

What the fuck does that mean?

_Tell her how you feel._

I don't feel anything! What are you talking about?!

_Tell her you love her._

I almost burst out laughing.

Tell her I WHAT?!

_Tell her you love her._

I could hardly keep the amusement off my face.

"Um, Jade?" Tori was figgiting with her hair, and I realised that I'd been staring at her during my whole conversation with myself.

And I was smiling.

"Uh, Nancy said that you were going through... a bit more than... recovering," She said hesitantly. "So, I'm just here to say hi, and that I'm glad you're okay."

Thank you.

I shrugged. "Okay. Thanks, I guess. I'm fine."

_Stop being rude! What is wrong with you?!_

"Me?! You're the one who said that I love her!"

Shit.

**Short chapterrrrrrr! So very sorry!**

**DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN VICTORIOUS**

**No beta. Excuse the mistakes. :P**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Does anyone get the whole Lucy thing? Or where the idea of Lucy came from? If you don't, google "Liz Gillies Lucy" and you'll understand. ;)**

"Excuse me?" Tori said, sounding confused and somewhat disgusted.

_You're making that up. She's not disgusted. You're just telling yourself that so you can keep drowning in your pity party._

I become stiff, unsure how to handle the situation.

_Be normal, Jade. You can do it. _

No.

I'll be Jade.

I put on an angry expression and look away from her. "Leave."

_NO!_

Tori looked hurt. "W-what?"

"Leave. Now."

_You're going to ruin everything!_

I'm not ruining anything!

I'm preventing it.

Tori grabbed her jacket that was on a chair in the corner. She tried to hide her face, but I could tell that she was trying hard not to cry. "Alright." Before she left, she stopped in the doorway. "I'm- I'm glad you're okay, Jade. I'm glad you're alive."

Then I was alone.

_Way to go, Jade. The one chance. The one chance for you to tell her, you blow it._

Tell her what?! What do I tell her?! I have nothing to tell!

_How do you not know? _She said from behind me. I flinch and turn my head to see Lucy standing there, a disappointed look on her face. _How do you not remember?_

There's nothing to remember!

_You don't remember the first day you met Tori? _

Of course I remember! The way she rubbed Beck, KISSED him! That was when I knew I hated her!

_Wrong._

I'm sorry?

_I said wrong._

How am I wrong?

_Do you not remember how you felt when she said your name on stage? Remember how it made you rheart race and your breath become shallow?_

No.

But I did remember, but I could never let Lucy know that.

_You remember._

"No," I say aloud. Lies.

_Fine. I'll play your game. I'll keep reminding you. Remember how you HAD to overcome that feeling by kissing Beck? You had to taunt her. _

Yes. To show her that she could never have Beck.

_Wrong again. _

I am not! Stop saying that!

_But you are! You were taunting her to show her that she could never have _you_._

I snort. That's ridiculous!

_It's the truth! _

It's not! Anyways, how would you know? You haven't been present in my life since I was 13.

_I've always been here. I've seen your entire life through your eyes. I know what's happened, and I know who you really are, and I'm not it. You were never harsh like you are now. You are not _truly _Lucy. You are Jade, and they are two completely different people. Lucy's not real. I'm not real._

And with that, she disappeared.

"Hello?"

Silence.

Thank God.

I spend the next few days trying not to think. There was no point. Thinking would bring Lucy back, and I hated Lucy. _Hated _her. How dare her try to tell me that I _love _Tori Vega. I cringe at the word. Love is nothing but false hope. It's not real. Lucy's words ring in my ears.

_I'm not real._

Was she right? Is the person I've been all through high school not real?

"Stop thinking, dumbass," I mutter to myself. I can't afford to lose what I have left of my mind. I needed to get out of here.

Luckely, that's when Nancy came to inform me that I was free to go. Not like I had anywhere to be, but anywhere was better than the hospital.

I push myself upright, hop off the cot, and head out, but not without saying a quiet goodbye to Nancy. Although I don't show it, I do appreciate what she's done for me.

It was chilly outside, and I had no jacket. I silently curse myself for being stupid, but keep moving. I had to figure out where to go. Home wasn't an option. My dad never knew where I was, but knowing that he never bothered to find out, I know that that means a scene when I get home, and I'm really not ready for that.

I keep walking, trying to figure out where I'm going to go.

Beck?

Never.

Cat hates me. So no.

Tor-

No.

Not after how I treated her.

_So, what are you going to do?_

I turn my head and see Lucy walking along side me, wearing a fluffy coat.

"You're mocking me." I didn't care if people saw me talking to no one. I've already lost everything else, might as well add my mind to the list.

_Maybe, _she said with a smile.

"I don't know what I'm going to do. Where I'm going to go."

_How about Tori? At least go talk to her._

Not after how I treated her.

_TALK TO HER. Tell her you're sorry, okay?_

A car pulled up beside me with a very familiar brunette on the driver's side.

Tori rolled down her window. "Hi."

I contain the smile forming on my lips. "Hi."

"Can we talk?"

I hesitate. I look over at Lucy and she nods.

_Go for it._

I go around to the passanger side of the car and get in.

Awkward silence filled the car.

I clear my throat. "So, um, I'm... I'm sorry for how I acted at the hospital."

Tori made an unusual choking noise. "Wha-" I stop myself, realising that she was crying. "Oh God... Tori. Please don't cry! It's okay! I'm sorry, okay! I didn't mean what I said!"

That made her sobs louder.

_She's not crying because of what you said, _Lucy commented from the back seat. _She's fighting with herself. You can see written all over her face. _

I pull Tori into a hug. "It's okay, Tori. I'm here. Shh... it'll be okay."

I remember Nancy's similar comforting words. _Shh... Shh Jade, it's okay. It will be alright. I promise. You just have to try._

_You just have to try._

_You just have to try._

"I just have to try," I whisper. I put my hand to her cheek and she lifts her head up. I wipe at her tears with my thumb as I stare straight into her eyes.

_You just have to try._

I press my lips to hers.

I'm trying.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: I hope you enjoyed the last chapter! I know I enjoyed writing it! Didja love the Jori feels? Heheh I feel mean for some reason...**

I'm trying.

I'm-

My thoughts are interrupted by hands shoving me back.

Oh, no...

"I-" I didn't know what to say. I just put myself out there for her. I just showed her in the best way I could how I feel. Feelings that even _I _don't fully understand.

"Please, don't.. don't say anything..." She kept looking forward, arms crossed against her stomach and head down. Her body language made me cry from frustration. I still couldn't figure out what all this meant. What my feelings meant or why she was being so harsh. "I'm sorry..." I whisper. She still wouldn't look at me.

_She's scared, Jade. _

I could see tears glistening her cheeks. "Please. Just...' she took in a shaky breath. "Please go."

The words knocked me in the chest.

_Just go, Jade._

"I'm so sorry."

Her expression turned dark. "Go."

I push open the door and slide out. Slamming the door shut, I immediately turn on my heel and walk away, not daring to look back.

I catch Lucy keeping her pace a few steps behind me.

"This is your fault," I say to her coldly, not looking at her.

_I didn't think-_

I stop in my tracks and snap my head around to face her, anger seeping through my tone as I say, loudly, "Right! You didn't think! You never do! Maybe that's why I stopped talking to you! I may act mean like you now, but I am not you! I'm not as stupid as you!"

Lucy, trying not to get angry, narrowed her eyes. _That was cold. Even for you._

I laugh sharply. "Like you're so perfect! You just forced me to talk to Tori when I didn't even want to, and then-"

_I didn't tell you to kiss her! You did that one on your own, there, buddy!_

"But I did! And you supported it! You wanted it to happen! You knew I was going to do it! You just HAD to prove me wrong!" I double take and remember who I'm talking to. "Look at me!" I yell. "I'm talking to no one! You're not there! YOU'RE. NOT. REAL." I'm crying now, and I knew that there are people watching me, judging.

_Shh! You're making a fool of yourself! Quiet down. Let's just go home and-_

That's when I ran. Ran faster than I ever have in my life. I needed to get away and escape. I didn't know where I was going. I just followed where my feet where taking me.

I kept running.

And running.

And running.

And running.

And running.

My lungs began to hurt but I don't stop.

I can never stop.

As I ran, memories started to intrude, but I didn't care anymore.

My mom's death; age 10.

I run harder.

The first time my dad came home drunk; age 10.

Harder.

The first time my dad beat me; age 11.

Harder.

The first time I cut; age 12.

Harder.

When I found out that Ryder was using me; age 15.

Harder.

The first time I attempted; age 16.

I sprint up a random street, not wanting to stop for anything, but I could feel my legs about to give. I slow to a stop, and the ache and pain in my legs catch up.

"MOTHERFUCKER!"

I took a few deep breaths trying to make the pain in my legs go away. I look around and realise that everything looked familiar.

How do I...

_Are you really that stupid? _

Lucy's nowhere to be seen.

_In your head, dumbass._

Right.

Where am I?

_You're where your heart took you._

The address on the house in front of me was 1264.

Wait...

_Do you get it now?_

Yes I do.

I was at Tori's house.

That made me want to scream.

_Why? Why are you so afraid?_

I'm sorry that I'm afraid to face the girl that kicked me out of her car!

_Too late._

What?

"Jade?"

I turn to see Tori standing in her doorway, hair and make up messy, and clothes wrinkled.

What do I say? "Um-"

"What are you doing here?" I could tell that she was trying to be angry, but was too tired to put in that amount of effort. Knowing that she was literally _trying_ to be upset both lighted my spirits and broke my heart.

"Uh-"

She cut me off again. "Look, I can't deal with this right now." She put her thumb and finger on the bridge of her nose.

Ouch.

I was desperately trying not to cry, tear pricking at the back of my eyes. The pain was almost unbearable. The pain of knowing that she doesn't feel the same way about me. The pain of knowing that I tore down my wall in one single gesture for her and she doesn't care.

I was somehow about to gasp out an "Okay," before she closed the door.

_Oh, Jade..._

The tears escape.

"I love you..." I whisper.

**A/N: DUN DUN DUUUUHHHHH!**

**Weeeeeellllllll not really, but yeah. I have no idea where this is going so just stick with me for a while. :) Hope you enjoyed the chapter! **

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Victorious.**


	8. Chapter 8

**Loving the feedback, guys! Thank you so much! Omfg over 2.5k views! I know it's not A LOT but it still means more to me than you would think! :D Thanks for the support! REVIEWWWW!**

What have I done?

_This isn't your fault, Jade. She's just scared._

"And how the fuck do you know that?!" I spat out, trying to keep my volume down. "You see what I see, remember? And I don't see scared at all!"

_Maybe you're not looking hard enough._

The wind began to pick up. "I have to go home."

Lucy follows me. _I see more than you do. I see more of yourself than you do, and I know that if the roles were reversed, you would have do then exact same thing that she did. Maybe even worse. _

"Worse?"

_You would probably go to school and publicly shame her, like you've done with other people who've gotten in your way one way or another. And an unwanted kiss from your enemy would have made your backlash double._

Oh.

_Especially if you were still dating Beck._

But Tori doesn't have a boyfriend...

_She has Beck._

"But they're not..."

_Denial?_

Crap.

I stop. I saw it, I knew it was happening, but I refused, _refused, _to believe that it was an actual thing.

_Why did you not want to believe it?_

Because-

_Don't say because you still love Beck! You have proven many times today that that has nothing to do with it!_

I sighed. She was right. _I _was right.

_You're right._

I'm right.

Lucy doesn't reply. We keep walking until we reach home, which makes my stomach knot. My dad is home from work unusually early, and I knew that it was because I haven't been home in about a week.

_That son of a bitch. He doesn't know where you are, but he doesn't even _try _to find you, but when you shows up, he has a fit. _

"I'm starting to like you," I say to her with a smirk.

As soon as I open the front door, Lucy disappears, so I had to face my dad on my own.

_You were always on your own, smarty. _

I could feel her grinning at me.

I make my way into the hall, still not seeing my father.

"In here Jade."

His study.

I slowly go into his office, almost shaking in fear.

_Almost? _

He turned his chair around so he could look at me, but I couldn't read his face. He stayed neutral, which is unusual for him.

But then I saw the streaks on his cheeks.

Was he crying?

Why are so many people crying today?

_You had forgotten that crying was an actual thing. _

"Um, dad? You okay?"

_Where's the hugging, loving Jade that I saw in the car with Tori?_

He looked up at me. "Jade... where-" he swallowed. "Where have you been?"

I sighed. "At a friend's to work on a project. I told you this, dad! You just don't liste-"

"No!" he bellowed, throwing off guard. "You were not! I got a call from the fucking _hospital_ that you were in saying that you had attempted suicide! Why would you do this to me, Jade?!"

I didn't even resist the urge to laugh. "TO YOU!? Do WHAT to you?! It isn't always about you, dad!" I scoffed.

"I just want you to tell me these things, Jade! I want you to tell me about your pain!" he said, sighing.

Then I lost it. "What?! Why? So you can laugh? Say that I'm weak? So you can tell me it's because of my stupid dreams?! What's your reasoning?"

"I just want you to know that I care about you!"

"Yeah... right. Tell that to my bruises!"

_You've done it now, Jade. _

I see him get up, and I sprint out the door and on to the street, not daring to look back to see if he was coming after me. But I knew he wouldn't. He would do anything to keep our imperfect family from the neighbors. ANYTHING to keep them thinking we were the perfect family and he was the perfect dad. He didn't even tell anyone in our old neighbor that my mom died. Then we moved.

I stop a few blocks away from my house, sure now that he was not behind me.

My phone buzzed.

_'Don't come back unless you're ready to apologize for your actions.'_

I quickly send out a reply. _'Then don't expect me back.'_

_Are you sure that's wise?_

"He wants me to apologize for trying to kill myself!" I was shaking with anger. "I don't care if I live on the streets! I am NOT going back to the abuse!"

_Oh..._

"Yeah." I sighed, knowing that it was a mistake, but I couldn't go back and apologize for my mental state, and I could not go back to being scared little Jade who was beat by her father. Never. I was not that girl anymore.

_You will always have that Jade inside of you. Bu-_

"No I don't!"

_You didn't let me finish. Having that Jade in you isn't necessarily a bad thing. It means that you're real. It means that you have grown and you are stronger now, but you're not a stone statue. _

"I never thought about that..."

_Because you had always thought that it was a weakness. That it was bad for you to feel those emotions. _

"I didn't-"

_But you did. It's not brain surgery. You had always felt vulnerable when you were emotional, so you shut them down and focused on pretending things didn't hurt. _

She was too right.

I started walking, unsure of where I was going, but I had an idea.

_You are _not _going to-_

"I have to."

We kept walking in silence, both knowing that it was a bad idea but that I had no other choice.

I turn the corner and see the trailer in the drive way.

_Be the Jade he loved. _

Time to face Beck.

**A/N: I'm not CRAZY about this chapter, not my fave, but it works, right?**

…**..right?**

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Victorious.**


	9. Chapter 9

**The last chapter = stretch. So sorry for the terrible writing style and such. I was just totally out of it when writing it, so excuse the issues/ughness of it. **

Knock.

Knock.

Knock.

Three knocks.

Then I wait.

It's opening.

"What do you want, Jade?"

I guess I should have known that he would answer even though he hates me. I cut straight to the point. "I left home. Couldn't do it anymore."

His eyes softened. "Oh. Well, come in. We should talk about it so that you don't bottle it up and release it on something. Or someone," he said, joke falling flat. I tried to giggle but I couldn't muster up the strength. I made my way inside his trailer, which still looked the same from when we were dating, except for the mess. This is the first time I'd been there since the break up, and it looked like he hadn't cleaned since then.

He sat on the edge of his bed, gesturing for me to sit next to him. I hesitated, but gave in and sat.

"Now, tell me what happened." I could tell he wanted to put an arm around me and pull me, but I was glad he didn't. For more reasons than one.

_You would have broken down if he did. Tell him _everything_. _Lucy had taken a seat on the couch across the room. _I beat he would understand. It would make him a lot less confused about why you became such a cruel person during the last year of your relationship._

I stay silent, not wanting my thoughts to Lucy escape like they did with Tori.

Even tell him the part about Tori?

_Everything. It would put everything into place for you _and_ him._

"Jade?" Beck's tone of voice almost made me feel like he loved me again. Like I never broke his heart. It made me feel like I was loved.

_You are loved, Jade. _

"I-I..." I was trying to put my situation into words, but everything I came up with in my mind sounded stupid or cliché.

I looked up at him, tears almost spilling over, and his eyes widened. "What did he do?" he whispered. "What did the bastard do?"

The concern and anger in his voice shocked me a little bit.

_He will always care for you._

"H- he didn't do anything. It's not him."

"Then who-"

"It's Tori!" I yell. I couldn't hold it anymore. Out of the corner of my eye I could see Lucy smiling.

_You're doing the right thing. _

"Tori? She wouldn't do anything... would she?" Beck was skeptical, and than made me a bit angry.

_Tori's a sweet heart. Of course he's gonna be skeptical._

"She didn't do anything." Breath. "I... I..."

_Tell him. _

"I love her." I blurt out.

"You..."

"I tried to kill myself so she brought me to the hospital but I still hated her, or at least I thought I did but then Lucy came but she's not real and she told me that I love her so I yelled at her and Tori heard so she left but then she was driving me somewhere then started crying so I ended up kissing her and she threw me out of the car." I managed my whole speech in one sentence, and by the time I was finished, Beck was off the bed and staring out the window. "I'm so sorry," I gasp out.

He didn't say anything.

_He's processing it._

I stayed silent, waiting for his response.

After about five minutes, he finally speaks. "I should have seen it... I should... I should have seen it..." he says, almost too quietly for me to hear.

_Excuse me?_

Excuse me?

"Excuse me?"

He turns to me. "I should have seen all of this coming! I am so stupid!"

"But-"

"Like, that kiss! The first day! That was never about me! That was about her and you! You were using me to cover your _feelings_ or whatever!" he yelled, hitting 'feelings' hard, like they were wrong.

_He's being a jerk, but he's not mad at you. He's mad at himself._

"Look, Beck, this... this is something I just realized myself. If I was using you, I'm so sorry. I didn't even knew what I was doing. Please, just... sit and listen."

Surprisingly, he calmed down a little and sat next to me, not too close.

"Explain everything."

So I did.

I told him about what happened with Cat. I told him what I was thinking and how I felt. I told him all about what happened at the hospital, and about me losing my mind and talking to Lucy.

I told him about how I ran, fast and hard, to nowhere in particular and ended up at Tori's. I told him what she said and what I said, leaving out a few details.

_Why?_

I ignored Lucy and continued. Continued all the way to the point of where I was right at that moment, saying that Lucy was sitting on the couch. And by the time I was done, I was sobbing and Beck was holding me and rocking back and forth, whispering soothing words into my ear.

And for the first time in forever, I felt safe.

**A/N: Short chappy, but I like this one better than the last one sooooooo...**

**DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN VICTORIOUS.**


	10. AUTHOR'S NOTE

**A/N: Hey guys! Just a quick AN!**

**SO I'm a little stuck on where to go, so I'm not gonna have a new chapter in a little bit. SORRYYYYYYY! Thanks for the support, guys! OVER 3K VIEWS WUT WUT**


	11. Chapter 10

**A/N: ALMOST 4K VIEWS OHMYGOOODNESS**

"So what are you going to do?"

What am I going to do?

I pulled myself away from his grasp.

_Ask. _

"Um, Beck?"

_Ask._

I looked me in the eyes, all the anger that was there before had vanished. "Yeah?"

_Ask him._

Gulp. "Could I maybe... stay here? Just for a little while. It's just cause I have nowhere else to go and-"

"It's fine." He kissed me on the forehead. "You just need to promise me something."

I froze. "Um... what am I promising?"

"Promise me that you'll work things out with Tori."

A small smile tugged at my lips. "I'll try."

_You're gonna do more than try, _Lucy said happily.

Beck smiles at me. "You're gonna do more than try. I can tell."

It's scares me how well he knows what I'm thinking.

"What's she saying now?" he says with a smirk.

I giggle. "Hold on."

You heard him. What do you wanna say?

_Tell him he has a nice butt._

No.

"She says that she's glad that you'll let me stay."

_Ugh wimp._

I snicker. You're welcome.

"I'm happy to see you smiling again, Jade."

I hug him, tight. "Thanks, Beck."

I didn't know what to do, but I started with getting comfortable. Beck was kind enough to lend me a pair of sweats and a t-shirt, both way too big on me, but at least I was asble to chill.

I was on his bed eating popcorn when I got the call.

_Unknown number?_

I don't know.

"Hello?" I say as I pick up.

"Jade?"

_Fuck._

"Tori?"

She burst out with a nervous laughter. "Oh my God I've been trying to reach you all day!"

I cringed. No you haven't! "What do you want, Vega?"

I stopped breathing. "I-I- I want to talk to you. Apologize for how I acted. I was talking to Andre and he sai-"

"Look, Vega," I sigh, not even trying to hide the distaste from my voice. "I'm over it. It's fine. So can you please go? I'm kinda busy."

"Oh..." She sounded defeated. Heart broken even.

_Don't get your hopes up. _

Tori continued. "What are you busy with?"

Please stop making me love you more than I already do.

A smirk grew on my face

_Don't you dare say it!_

"Just hangin out at Beck's. He's _really _good at making me forget my worries and such." I sigh for effect.

_You're a bitch, you know that?_

I could hear Tori gasp through the phone. "You're... what?"

"I'm... at... Beck's," I say as if I'm spelling it out for her.

_But you're lying!_

I am not! Not one thing I've said is a lie!

I heard little noises coming from Tori.

"Um, Vega?"

"'Um' what, Jade?! Are you serious?!"

"Yeah. Yeah I am."

She gulped. "But you love me!"

"What?!"

Lucy smiled. _I knew it._

Tori began to stutter. "Uh, uh, you said-"

"I didn't say anything, Vega! Don't flatter yourself!"

_WHY ARE YOU BEING LIKE THIS? She basically just admitted that she loves you back! Stop pushing her away!_

I-

I-

I don't know.

Tori was about to hang up when I caught her. "VEGA! Wait!" Pause. "I mean, Tori. Please don't go. I'm sorry for that. I... I just..."

_You can do it. _

Tori sighed. "I understand, Jade. Just... please listen. You should come over. We need to talk." I glance over at Beck, who was trying to hide the fact that he was eavesdropping. He looked a bit disappointed at first that I would lie about what we were doing, but I guess he could see the pleading in my eyes because then he nodded.

"I'll be over in 10 minutes."

**A/N: So that was an awfully written chapter... Um... yeah. Sorry. **

**I might change it in the near future. **

**DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN VICTORIOUS**


	12. Chapter 11

**A/N: UGH I'M SORRY ABOUT THE LAST CHAPTER IT SUCKED I KNOW**

I stopped at the front door.

This is it.

_Knock._

_Just knock._

_Why aren't you knocking?_

_Do you know how to knock?_

"I will hurt you with a brick..." I whisper.

Before I could knock, the door wings open to reveal and flustered Tori Vega. "HI, sorry come in! Trina's just-"

"it's fine," I interrupt, timidly stepping inside. I was somewhat frightened by all of it, being inside her house, soon having to talk to her about loving her, seeing her sister.

_You're frightened by Trina?_

No I'm afraid of what I might do to Trina if she's in the room.

"Sorry, it's a bit messy.

More like a pigsty.

Clothes were thrown everywhere, on the couch, kitchen counter tops. _Everywhere._

"The clothes are Trina's."

But there was more than just clothes.

Used kleenex, unused kleenex, plates, crumbs, magazines, and-

"The rest... is mine." She paused. "It's been a rough week..."

"Yeah... I know."

She sweeps her hand over the couch, clearing the shirts and garbage that was covering it, and sat down. "Here. Sit."

I nod and make my way over to where she was sitting.

"Why would you say what you said?"

Um... "What did I..."

She looked away. "What you said about you and Beck. I knew the truth. I heard what you said outside my door, and you kissed me. Even when you said that you were over it, I knew it wasn't true. But you still kept trying to feed me bullshit through the phone!"

I was speechless. Never have I ever seen Tori Vega so... emotional over something. And she was absolutely right. I knew that she knew, but I still tried to get to her.

_She knows you more than you know yourself._

I could tell that she was crying, and I wanted nothing more than to kiss away her tears and tell her that everything was going to be alright.

But it's not alright.

It's never alright.

She's not crying because she's sad. She's crying because she's scared and confused. She doesn't know what she's feeling or how to deal with it, and it's all my fault.

"I never should have kissed you."

Her head shot up, eyes wide an alert. "What did you say?" She said tensely, but she wasn't angry.

I gulped. "I... I said that I should never have kissed you." My voice was shakey. I pushed to continue. "It's causing everything to go screwy, and I can tell that it's tearing you up inside. You don't know what you want, and I don't want to pressure you in anyway. You've never had any of these stupid thoughts in your head until I kissed you."

I then noticed that she was staring at me, anger filling those big, brown eyes.

_Can you turn it off for just one second? _Lucy teased.

Then Tori lost it.

"You don't know me! You don't know what I'm thinking or how I feel! You don't know what I thought then, and you don't know what I think now!"

"Because you won't tell me!" I spat. "You kicked me out of your car and treated me like I was worthless! And you're mad at me?!"

Her anger faded a bit. "I... I-"

"And now, you call me back, saying that 'we need to talk' but you just needed someone to take your anger out on! I know you're confused! I know you're angry! But that doesn't mean you can take it out on me!"

She began to stutter. "I- I n-n-never-"

"So I'm sorry if I can't read your mind, but I'm trying my best to understand what's going on with you! If I'm wrong, please enlighten me! What are you feeling?"

I could hardly comprehend what I just said before she slammed our lips together.

Surprisingly, I tried to fight her off. But she wouldn't budge. She slipped her tongue inside my mouth.

_Why are you fighting her? Isn't this what you've wanted._

Shut up.

Tori eventually pulls away, a hurt expression on her face. We were both panting, unsure of what just happened.

"I'm... I'm so sorry," she gasped, covering her forehead with her hands, a blush creeping up her neck. "I didn't know what I was... I mean..." she sighed heavily.

_This is your chance, Jade. She obviously meant to do it, but after your reaction she tried to cover it up. Show her that you didn't mean it. That you actually care about her and that you want her as well._

I pull myself from my thoughts to hear Tori rambling again. "I mean, I was justing doing what you wanted. Well, I wanted it too, obviously, but I don't know what I-"

I lean in and capture her words with a kiss.

_Well, THAT shut her up._

We part for only a second so that I can ask her if she's sure.

"Definitely."

I pull her back in to me.

And I knew right then that I would never let her go.

**A/N: HEY GUYS! So how you liking Sensitive!Jade? I like her, but that's just my opinion. :P ANYWAYS, thanks again for the support!**

**(No. They are not doin' tha do. There will be no do doing yet.)**

**DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN VICTORIOUS**


	13. Chapter 12

**A/N: 'Ello! Updates will be a little less consistent for a while. Just letting you know.**

**(5 thousand views people... DAS INSANE!)**

I left her house the next morning.

It was pretty casual; nothing happened that would result in regret. It was fun, and it was the first time I've had fun in while.

_You're lucky._

I know.

_Like, really lucky._

I know.

_Imagine what would've happened if-_

"I _said, _I know." I stop walking, remembering that I could just call Beck for a ride. "I'm not stupid, which is why I_ refuse _to think about what would've happened if she kept icing me out forever." I pull out my phone. "But everything is fine."

No reply.

"Right?"

Still no reply.

"There's something you're not telling me..."

_It's just... are you sure about all this?_

I double take. "Of COURSE I'm sure! Why wouldn't I be? You were the one who told me to show her how I feel!"

_I know, I know, but you're... _she paused, searching for the right word. _...emotionally damaged. You might end up hurting her if you don't do this properly. And she may say that she's sure, but deep down you know that she's still confused. This is all new for her._

I sighed. She was right. "You're right. I need to be careful." I remember my phone in my hand and begin to dial Beck's number. "But it could work, right?"

_If you're careful, and put her needs and feelings before yours, then it could. But I'm not convinced that you can do that..._

I knew exactly what she meant. I'd spent my entire life believing that no one cared about, and had only thought of myself, taking care of myself, never thinking about other people's feelings because I had always felt like I was going to break if I put anyone before myself.

_Maybe you need to break._

Maybe I…

_Tori can break you._

Tori can…

_And she can rebuild you._

She can…

My phone buzzed. _'You ready to be picked up? I'm dying to know what happened last night!'_

I smile and type back, _'Yeah, now would be great. Thanks. I'm at the corner of Melrose and Labrea, by that weird seafood truck.' _

_You're lucky to have him, too. _

I giggle and playfully shove her. "I know, I know."

Buzz. _'Great. See you soon.'_

I put my phone back in my pocket. "I'm so happy to have both of them." And it was true. I wouldn't even be alive if it wasn't for Beck. He and Cat were my rocks, and even though, later in our relationship he ended up using my mental state to his advantage, he helped me through a very difficult time.

I met Beck in Junior High.

I was a loner, an outcast, that kid that everyone knew of, but never talked to.

He was popular.

He went to all the parties, had the best grades, and had all the girls.

Well, almost all the girls.

I guess that's why he wanted me. He wanted me because I was the only girl who didn't want him. Or didn't show that I did. The truth is, I had the biggest crush on him ever since I first bumped into him in the hall, in which his friends replied, "Watch where you're going, freak!" But Beck didn't say anything. His face fell a little, his eyes apologizing for his obnoxious friends, and then he walked off.

The rest of the story wasn't really all that interesting. We ended up hooking up at that one rare party I was invited to, and the rest is history.

_Earth to Jade! Beck's here!_

He rolled down his window. "Lost in your thoughts again, there, Jade?" I sneered playfully and got in the car. "So what do you wanna do now?"

"Um…" I knew what I wanted to do, but I was absolutely terrified to do it.

He smirked. "I know you way to well, Jade." His smile faded. "You know you don't have to be afraid, right? I mean, what can she do to you?"

Tear out my insides.

"I guess you're right."

"She still cares about you, and I can tell that you miss her. A lot."

"I-I just… I hurt her so badly." My voice started to break. I was trying so hard not to cry. I've cried too much this week.

_There's no such thing as crying too much. Crying is good. _

I continued. "That kind of damage can't be undone."

"I know. But you need to let her know that you understand and that you regret everything that you've done. Tell her- no scratch that. _SHOW _her that that wasn't the real you."

_Beck is starting to sound a lot like me..._

"But-"

"We're going."

"But-"

"No argument."

"But-"

"Jade!" he shouted. Beck rarely lost his cool, but when he does, you know it's serious.

I sighed. "Fine. I'll TRY and talk to her."

I felt his smile from beside me. "Good. I'll take you over there right now."

"Right now? But-"

He shot me a look and it shut me up.

"Fine."

**A/N: Why do I always end on one word sentences? Whoops. Oh well.**

**DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN VICTORIOUS**


	14. Chapter 13

**A/N: CONFRONTATION TIME AW YEAH**

I knocked on the front door, praying that she would be home.

After about a minute of waiting, I was about to give up and leave when I heard the door creak open and see a small woman standing there.

"Mrs. Valentine..."

Her eyes looked sad. "Cat told me not to answer. She knew it was you. But..." She swallowed. "You two have been friends forever, and then all of a sudden she hates you. I've tried to get her to tell me what's going on, but she won't talk to me. She won't talk to anyone."

_Shit._

You got that right.

"I... Can I please speak to her?"

"But she's not-"

"I..." I cut her off. "I _need _to." I needed to see my best friend. Even if she hated me, I needed to let her know that I still love and care for her.

She sighed, unsure of how to handle the situation. "Caterina's not-"

"Please," I pushed. I had to do this. Plus, Beck probably would've shot me if I had backed down. I knew that if she tried to stop me again I would just push passed her and find Cat myself.

Fortunately, that wasn't needed.

"She's in her room."

I nodded a thank you and made my way inside. With out any warning, I shove her bedroom door open to reveal Cat in pink pj's, sitting on her bed checking The Slap on her laptop. Her clothes showed the same, old Cat, but her posture was slouched, her eyes where droopy and tired, and her hair was a mes-

Her hair was dark brown.

"Cat, wait-"

"I dyed it back to it's natural colour," she said, gaze still fixed on the computer. "The red was a stupid idea anyways."

I was shocked. "Wh-what?! You've had your hair red velvet since the seventh grade! Why are you thinking it's stupid NOW?!" I shook my head, silently scolding myself for my choice of words. "I mean... it's NOT stupid, Cat! Why would you think that?!"

"Oh, I don't know," she replied nonchalantly, shutting the laptop."I've realized lately that I've made so many bad decisions in the past. I just assumed that that was one of them. After all, it was YOU that told me I should dye my hair a crazy colour."

It was me, wasn't it?

That's why she did it.

_No shit, Sherlock. _

"Why are you here, Jade?"

"I came here to show you that I miss you."

She scoffed. "You came too show me that you care by... yelling at me?"

_She's got a point._

Shut up.

"I know, I know. I just... Beck said that I should-"

She laughed harshly. "Oh! So BECK out you up to this! Ohhh! It all makes sense now!"

I quickly back tracked. "NO NO NO THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT! I..." I paused, trying to regain my composure. "I didn't mean it like that. What I meant was-"

"Was that you weren't going to try because you thought it was pointless, but then Beck practically forced you to come here. And now he's outside in his car waiting for the train wreck that is Jade West."

_Wow. She's a lot smarter than you gave her credit for. _

"I-I-"

She raised her hand. "Save it. I know I've made some bad choices before, but now I'm gonna do it right. So please," Pause. "leave my house."

I nodded. I knew at that time that it was over. I would probably never get my best friend back, and even if I did, it would never be the same.

Before I left I said a quick goodbye to Mrs. Valentine. Ever since my mom died, she had been there as a parental figure for me when I needed it, which was a lot of the time.

As I head to Beck's car, I could feel the tears stinging the back of my eyes.

He rolled down his window. "Hey, how-" he then noticed something was wrong, and he got out of the car. "Hey, hey, hey, shhh it's okay." He pulled me in to him and I leaned my head again his shoulder. "You did the right thing."

That made me cry harder. "No! No I didn't! I yelled at her, Beck! She... she dyed her hair back to it's natural colour and she was being... harsh! I snapped at her!"

"Shh," he soothed, his hand rubbing small circles on my back. "Come on. Let's go back to my place and we can sort this out, okay?" I nod and get in the car.

I didn't know how we were going to sort it out. It felt like it was never going to be sorted out.

_But it can. It always can._

"It is possible, Jade. It can be sorted out. It may not feel like it now, but it can be fixed."

_Is he able to hear me or something?_

"I can't be fixed, Beck."

He did a double take. "Where did THAT come from?!"

"Sorry, I-"

"Jade. Stop. 'Kay? It's okay. You're in pain right now. I understand. We dated for three years. I've learned really well to not take the harsh things that you say personally."

_He's right, you know._

I know.

"But you can be-"

I snap my head around to face him. "Don't. Say. Fix."

He blushed. "I... all I was going to say was that I can't guarantee that you'll be one hundred percent healed, but you can get better. It does get better."

I smirked. "Since when did you become a motivational speaker?"

He didn't respond, and his words rang in my head.

_It does get better._

Does it?

**A/N: Sooooooo I'm a little lost with this story but THAT'S OKAY!**

**(P.S. WE ARE THE BRA-A-AVE)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Victorious**


	15. Chapter 14

**A/N: Does it?**

Here we are at Beck's house. I'm a mess, mascara all over my shirt and the sheets on Becks bed. "I'm sorry about the sheets..." I say quietly, trying to lighten the mood that I've created.

"It's okay."

It's really not.

I never thought I would feel this way again. The pain of losing someone was something that I only wanted to experience that one time, and I swore to myself that I wouldn't get close to anyone like that ever again.

Now I've lost my best friend, and it hurts.

Badly.

My phone rang, but I was in no mind space to answer it.

"You gonna get that?"

I sighed and rolled over onto my side. "No."

"Fine." He picked up my phone and spoke into it. "Hello?"

Silence.

_Who could that be?_

"Yeah, she's here, but-" he stopped, letting the caller speak. "She's had a rough day." Pause. "Alright. I'll get her to call you later."

He hung up and looked at me.

"Who was it?"

"Um," he paused. "It was your aunt Rose. She said that your dad called her and-"

"Never mind. I don't wanna hear." I took a deep breath. "What ever he said, he's lying. He's a total jackass."

"But she said-"

"I TOLD you!" I snapped. "I don't want to hear it!"

I could see his muscles tighten in frustration, but he said, "Fine."

"Thank you."

_At least listen to him. _

How about no?

"Do you want anything to eat?"

My stomach growled a yes. "Sure."

As he was in the kitchen area, my phone rang again.

Blocked number?

"Hello?"

"I called your aunt Rose."

"Dad?"

He acted like he didn't hear me. "I told her to pick you up and take you home."

"What why?!"

"You're not allowed to stay over at that no hobo's house."

"Beck?"

He sighed. "Yes. Beck. And after your behavior, I think it's best that you don't return home."

After that, I hung up.

_Who does he think he is? You're not a thing! You're a human being._

Beck reentered with a bowl of chip and salsa, but his face was partially angry. "I heard what he said."

"How-"

"He was pretty loud." He started to get angrier.

"Beck..."

Without saying anything, he quietly walked outside and shut the door.

"Beck?"

I jumped off his bed and rushed out the door in bare feet. "Beck!" He had started walking down the street. "BECK!" He kept walking as if he didn't hear me. Luckily I caught up to him, grabbed his shoulder and turned him around. His eyes were extremely angry.

_I've never seen him this angry before._

He tried to pull away from me but my grip stayed strong. "BECK! For christ's sake! What is going on?!"

"He did this," he said softly, still not meeting my gaze. "He did this to you. The abuse, the alcohol. And you had to pay the price."He paused for only a second. "And now I need to make him pay." He swiftly pushed me back and continued towards my house.

I started following him, my keeping my pace a bit faster than his so that I could try and stop him easier. "Beck. Beck, STOP! Okay? Stop it! That isn't your place!"

He stopped. "I need to show him that it's not okay what he does to you!"

"Well, I don't mean to be rude, but he'll probably try and kill you!"

His expression hardened. "Just like he killed your mom?"

Shit. "It was an accident and you know it!"

"Was it, Jade? Or do you not remember?"

_I remember._

"I spent the first 6 months of our relationship trying to piece together the actual story! It wasn't a drunk driver!"

I started to panic. "It WAS! It was!"

"They got in a fight while in the car! He had grabbed the wheel and steered them off the road into a telephone pole!"

No.

NO.

"That... that..."

I remember.

The truth.

**A/N: PLOT TWIST KIND OF NOT REALLY**

**Short chapter. Sorry.**

**This story has been very helpful for me. Yay! **

**That was random...  
**

**DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN VICTORIOUS**


	16. Chapter 15

**A/N: Over 7k views! I'm crying! Can you guys stop being so awesome? (Even tho most of you don't review. :P)**

"Jade?"

I forced it.

_Jade?_

I forced the memory out and replaced it with something that I wanted.

Drunk driver.

Dad crying.

Accident.

It was no accident.

_**:flashback:**_

_"Dad?" I had said to my father, seeing him crying on the living room couch._

_"Go back to bed, Jade."_

_I couldn't stand seeing him like this. "Daddy, I... I know you miss mom, but-"_

_He slammed his hand on the coffee table. "I SAID, go back to bed!" he boomed. _

_I nodded slightly and headed back to my room, a silent tear dripped down my cheek._

_**:end of flashback:**_

"Jade?"

_Jade?_

"I remember," I said shakily.

Beck wasn't sure how to respond.

"I remember," I said again, a bit louder.

Silence.

"I remember. I remember getting up at night and seeing him crying. And he would yell at me. At first I thought it was because we was upset that she was dead. But he had told me one night what actually happened. He was drunk and it just... came out, I guess. I'm pretty sure if he was planning never to tell me the truth."

_Oh, Jade..._

"But after he told me, I didn't want it to be true, so I kept pretending that it was a drunk driver."

_That's where I come in._

"That's where Lucy comes in."

His anger softened a bit. "I know."

I grabbed his hand. "Come on. Let's go for a walk. AWAY from anywhere."

As I pulled at his arm while walking, he said, "Do you mean..."

"The rock room."

He smiled as he walked beside me, hand still intertwined with me. "The rock room it is."

_xxxxxxxxxx_

The rock room was not too far away from where we were, over in the woods behind Beck's house. It a little cave we found during 9th grade, when we first started dating. We didn't know a good place to hang out with privacy, so one day we had gone exploring, and eventually found "the rock room."

"So here we are."

I smiled, the memories flooding in.

_It's been forever, hasn't it?_

"It's been forever hasn't it?"

He laughed a little. "Ha. Yeah it has. A year, I think? Yeah. Forever."

"Well, it _feels _like forever," I respond, giggling.

"I haven't seen you giggle since 8th grade."

_You stopped giggling. What does that tell you?"_

It tells me that I've been missing out.

I never realized how good genuine laughing felt.

"You're lost in thought again, silly." Beck. "You're gonna end up killing yourself with your thoughts."

_What?_

I probably felt me tensing up, but then he started stuttering. "I-I'm sorry. Wrong choice of words."

"It's... it's fine." I went inside the cave. "Wow, our stuff is still here oh my God." On the ground, there was our old sleeping bag, probably soaked and filled with bugs and germs from our late night "cuddles."

"Remember when we-"

I giggle softly. "Yeah. I do." I stick my tongue out at him and then sigh. "I've really missed you."

"Jade..."

"Seriously! I've missed hanging out with you! Being able to talk to you about anything and have it NOT be awkward. I've missed that."

I could almost hear his thoughts turning in his head, but I didn't know what he was thinking about. What was there to think about?

"Jade... please don't say things like that."

I was shocked. "What?! All I'm saying is that I've missed hanging out with you!"

"I'm trying to stop loving you, okay?!"

That shut me up.

"I'm- I'm sorry. I didn't mean to-"

"It's fine."

_He still loves you. Acknowledge it. _

"I'm sorry. I would... I mean..."

He sighed. "It's okay, Jade. You can't choose how... you feel."

_At least he understands._

Yeah.

At least he understands.

He made his way to the sleeping bag.

"Oh I wouldn't-"

He sat down and I cringed.

_Ew._

I patted the space next to him. "Here. Sit. I wanna tell you a story."

I hesitantly sat next to him, trying not to get dirt on me. "What's this story?"

"This is a story of a very unhappy little girl..."

_Time for a reality check._


	17. Chapter 16

**A/N: Story time!**

**(Eight. Thousand. Views.)**

"This girl had a relatively normal childhood; one mom, one dad, everyone in the family was happy. She went to a regular public school in L.A., but she wasn't very social. She always carried a book with her, or maybe a script that she was working on. Nine years old and already working on her dream." He smirked at me and I blushed. "Everyone knew she was special, a real talent, but she got picked on because of it."

_Do you remember the pain?_

Yes I do.

My chest ached while Beck continued. "Then one day, something happened, and that content little girl lost her mother."

The aching grew at the thought of my mom. Her nut-brown hair, her warm smile, her soothing voice, the way she was always able to make me feel better after a rough day of bullying

"Jade?"

I shake my memories away. "Sorry. I'm here. Continue."

"Her mom meant everything to the little girl, and losing her best friend broke her. She became even more isolated. There were even times where she wouldn't even show up to school because she was afraid of what kids would say."

I stop him. "I was never afraid of anything," I say defensively.

He shot me a look. "Really?"

I don't saying anything after that.

He continued. "One day, her father came home drunk, and it changed her forever."

I tried to swallow past the lump in my throat.

"He started to beat her, make her feel worthless. He yelled at her and she started feeling like her mom's death was her fault, until he eventually stumbled home one night with the truth on his lips. She started to cut, the pain reminding her that she could still feel something. She did this for 4 years, each cut was deeper than the next until she tried to take her own life. Luckily, I met this girl in the middle of all of it, and was able to save her from her first attempt."

My heart stopped.

He sees that I'm tense, and puts a hand on my shoulder. "You still didn't know?"

I didn't know how to form any words, so I just nodded shakily.

No one told me how I survived that first suicide attempt. Every time I had mentioned it, everyone got awkward and didn't make any eye contact, so I eventually stopped asking.

And now I know the truth.

It it stings.

"I'm so sorry, Beck..."

If I knew, I wouldn't have been so harsh to him.

"If I had known-"

I stopped me. "I'm not done with the story." He breathed. "I had always been the happiest when I was with her, so I had been so fucking greatful that I was able to catch her at that moment before she pasted. But I knew that if she was to ever know that I was the one who saved her, she would feel obligated to make it up to me, and I didn't want that."

But why?

_You know why._

Beck sighed. "I know what you're thinking. 'Why?' I didn't want a relationship based on force. I already knew that she loved me enough to cared and look out for me, and I didn't want her to feel pushed to _have _to be nice and loving."

I bit my bottom lip. He was exactly right. I would have felt like that, even if it wasn't true. Even though I was good to him and cared for him while I didn't expect the same in return. Beck was the first person I ever opened up to, and that never would have happened if I had known that he saved me.

"But over the past few years, I thought she would figure it out, or someone would have told her, but..."

I shook my head.

He cleared his throat. "After the scariest moment of my life..." he paused and looked at me. "she and I got closer. I learned a lot more about her than I thought I would, because I guess she was worried that if she did try to end her life again, and no one knew her story, she would be written off as another attention seeker gone too far."

_That's exactly what you thought._

"So she spilled everything, and I learned that for 3 years, she had been living in somewhat of a fantasy land. She talked to herself more often than not, even when she was around people. I never dared to talk her about, because I knew that it would cause some sort of emotional break down and would have probably resulted in her shutting me out for at least a week, and I wouldn't be able to handle that.

"No one understood us. People would always dismiss our fights, loving moments, or anything in between as 'just them.' We were 'just them' our whole relationship, but no one knew the truth. No one knew how rough it had been for both of us, and how rewarding it was when everything was alright, even for just a minute."

I felt the tears burning at the back of my eyes.

"During the second year of our relationship, I could see her getting better, the broken parts inside of her mending themselves. She had even looked happy at one point. But one day, it all came crashing down, and I lost the Jade that I loved."

_Here come the waterworks. _

I wiped at my tears with his thumb. "But now she's found another person that can make her happier, just like how I made her happy. And as much as it hurts my heart to know that she has found someone who can do better than I can, and make her feel something that I never could, I'm extremely happy that I got my Jade back." He kissed me on cheek. "Come on, I can tell you're exhausted. You need some sleep."

I mumbled a thank you, rested my head on his shoulder, and drifted off.

**A/N: I AM SO HAPPY WITH THIS CHAPTER YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW.**

**Hope there was enough feels for you in there. :P**

**No beta. Excuse the mistakes!**


	18. Chapter 17

**A/N: So, forgive me if this chapter doesn't really meet the expectation I just left with the last one. That was kind of a fluke with how well turned out...**

I could hear birds chirping.

"Mmmm... shut up," I mumbled as I shifted my weight. Something was pressing up against my shoulder blade. "Mmmm... what..." I open my eyes slowly to see a face smiling down at me.

"I thought you would never wake up. I was starting to get a bit worried. "

"Ha ha. Very funny." I began to push myself off the ground. "Um a little help?" I grunted. He stood up, turned to me and reached out his hand, the smile still on his face. I took his hand. "Why are you so happy?"

As he pulled me up onto my feet, he said, "I'm just... I'm glad you let me tell your story last night."

I blushed, memories of yesterday flooding in. "N-no problem." Then I got defensive. "Why wouldn't I want to listen to my own story?"

His smile faded.

I shook my head, trying to get a grip on my emotions.

_Right. Like that could ever happen._

Lucy was standing about five feet from me, a disappointed look on her face.

What?

_Look, your reconnection with Beck is great, but you've stopped working on what's really important._

Like what?

_Like what?! Seriously?! Like figuring out where you're going to live! How about your relationship with Tori? Maybe take some of my advice while you're at it! Because you haven't done anything I've told you to do!_

"Yes I have!"

I saw the look on Beck's face change, and he walked out side of the cave.

_At least he respects your privacy. _

"I have done the things you've said!' I said, ignoring her comment.

_No way! You might have done something like my idea, but you've basically just gone you're own way!_

I stop. She was right.

_You need to listen to me! _

"Fine! What do you suggest I do?"

She sighed. _First off, go tell someone, ANYONE, about how your dad has treated you._

"I have-"

_Someone important who can actually do something. The police or something._

I turned my head towards the entrance of the cave and see beck peeking his head in, eyes swimming with confusion. "I'm alright, Beck. Just... gimme a minute.'

_Great._

"What?"

_Just... you know what? Fine. Go. See if I care! I've tried to be nice and helpful, but clearly that's done nothing!_

And then she was gone.

"Jade?"

"Let's go."

_xxxxxxxxxxxxx_

We walked for about an hour, not going anywhere in particular. As we walked, we sang cheesy show tunes and laughing. I had never had that much fun with Beck in a long time, so it was nice to just forget the past for a little while and laugh at nothing.

"Thank you," I mumble into his chest as I hug him. We were stopped at a big over hanging willow.

My mom's favourite.

"Not a problem. At all. I'm glad I can help. Just remember that I'm here for you. Always." He hugged me tighter. "Now... what are you gonna do about your relationship with Tori?"

The day before, I told him what had happened with Tori on our way to the rock room, to which he replied, "Wait... you're saying you spent the night there and NOTHING HAPPENED?!" which resulted in me shoving him with my shoulder.

"I think I'm gonna wait until Monday to talk to her. Give her some time to think." I didn't know if I could do it, if I could hold off twenty four hours without talking to her.

I felt Beck nod, and then her let go of me. "And what does Lucy say about this?"

I gulped. "Lucy's... left..."

"You mean, she's not there anymore? You're not seeing her or hearing her anymore?"

I knew what he meant, and I shook my head. "No. Not like that. She... she got mad at me and left me to work this out on my own. I shouldn't really be surprised by this, though. She's never been one for helping others." I giggled. "Look at me! I'm talking about myself!"

I could tell he was trying not to look too serious, but his worry was too strong. "Have you ever considered that... Lucy... is not just your imagination? Something you control? Have you thought about how maybe seeing Lucy is a sign of a medical problem?"

My heart stop. "N-no. I haven't..." I stuttered.

He sighed. "Now, I'm no doctor, but this really doesn't seem like a normal way of talking to yourself."

"I-I.." I started to shake. This couldn't be happening. Not on top of everything else. I can't be mentally insane! "I CAN'T!"

"Shh shh it's okay, Jade." He kissed my cheek. "You'll be okay. Okay? Let me see you nod. Show me you understand."

I nodded meekly.

He smiled sadly. "Good. Now, first things first, you need to go to the police."

"W-wh-"

"You're father is a monster who needs to be stopped, and I know that I can't do it, but authority can."

I took in a shake breath and nodded again. "R-right. We need to do that."

"Now?"

"Now."

**A/N: Sorry for the weak chapter.**

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN VICTORIOUS**

**No beta. Please excuse the mistakes. :)**


	19. Chapter 18

**A/N: Hello! *WARNING THIS IS AN ADVERTISMENT THING* So if you have twitter, you should follow me maryahbandie13 :) sorry for this. Back to the story!**

**(Ps: Who here is obsessed with Problem? Because I AM!)**

**9,000 views WOO HOO**

I couldn't help but shake.

"I'm here for you, Jade. You don't have to be scared."

I wasn't scared.

I was _terrified._

I felt a hand grip my shoulder, and it calmed me right down. Knowing that I have someone who cares this much about me settles my nerves a bit.

"Shall we?"

I nod, like I always do, and we walked into the police station.

I tug at his arm. "I'm so nervous," I whisper.

"It's alright."

I stop, jerking him back. "But what if it's not?" I felt like panicking. "What if he lies to them like he has to everyone else? I've always been written off as the bad I kid! What if the police do the same?"

I expected him to say something encouraging, something to calm my nerves. But he just held my arm, looked me in the eyes, and said, "We never know until we try."

"But-"

"Listen, Jade." He had the edge in his voice that he usually only gets when he's passionate about something. "We don't know what your dad's gonna do, or what the officers are going to do, and we have no control over that. But what we DO have control over is what we do, and the best thing that we can do is take this problem to someone who can actually do something about it."

I gulped. "You're... you're right..."

'I know I am," he whispered with a smirk, and I shoved him gently.

"You always are."

he started to walk towards the front counter, but then stopped. "Are you coming?"

I giggled nervously. Yes... yes I am." He slipped his hand into mine and gave a reassuring squeeze.

"Everything will be okay," he whispered

"I believe you."

The police station was bland, depressing, and smelling oddly like sterilizer. A thirty-some year old lady sat at the front desk. She had hair tied back and she was in uniform, and she looked like she was so good at being nice that she could probably convince everyone, including my dad, that he is a big, cuddly teddy bear.

"Hello. Welcome to the Los Angeles Police Department. How can I help you?"

Beck gripped my hand tighter, and he spoke. "Hi. Um, my name is Beck Oliver, and" he pointed to me. "that's Jade West. And we want to report her father for physical abuse."

I took in a deep breath.

This was it.

Time to face my father.

Time to stop being afraid.

Time to win.

**A/N: Sorry for the terribly short chapter. It's been a rough week.**

**No beta. Please excuse mistakes.**

**DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN VICTORIOUS**


	20. AUTHOR'S NOTE 2

**AUTHOR'S NOTE**

**Hey guys! So I'm stuck on this sort of and updating is gonna be a little inconsistent. So don't be alarmed if I'm not here for a bit. Kay? Love you! :* Thanks for keeping up to date with this. It means a lot.**


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